i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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