hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
