I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
