Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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