My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
