I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
