Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
