I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His hands were made for my vagina.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
