I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
