So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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