I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
