Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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