all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
