i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
