is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
