i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
