we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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