I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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