Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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