idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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