I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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