you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
