Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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