maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
