The maid of honor just puked.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
