We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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