I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
