ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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