is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
