1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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