How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
