Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
