Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
