Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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