just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
