Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
