I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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