bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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