If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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