i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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