sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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