Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
