Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
