At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
