Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
