matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
