do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
