That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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