The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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