would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
