I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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