Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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