smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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